Lesson 4: Distance and Relationship

Does a long distance relationship really exist in our community?  The question sprang up in my mind while having dinner with my ex-roomie who is, actually, trying hard to keep the year-and-a- half-old relationship with his boyfriend in NYC. (This relationship should be fun since both of them live in the gay capitals of the world; San Francisco and New York City. Not to mention all h.o.r.n.y gay guys are everywhere on every corner of street in the cities. Stay tune for the update). 

With so many online sites and cruising spots roaming around town, which are up and run 247, (if these aren't enough, did i mention saunas?) how could we not be distracted? Let alone an idea of being monogamous when you and your boyfriend are parted across three time-zones. Personally, my long distance relationship didn't work even only one time-zone apart. We grew apart eventually due to lack of communication. :< 

As a matter of fact, an hour-drive away already kills a relationship. To make my point clearer, I went out on a date with a guy one night. He kept talking about how much he would to be in a relationship. Then "San Jose" slipped out and the how-much-I-would-love-to-be-in-a-relationship stopped.  A dating pool in SF is, of course, very competitive. 3:1 is a ratio for Asian men for white guy. With that in mind and a fact that I'm in San Jose, it totally shuts down my already-narrow window of opportunity. .

However, I'm not an anti-long distance. I have seen people who are successful in keeping the long distance relationship. I'm here to say that it may be harder for the gay community to be in a relationship. Again, never loose our hope. Someday a right one will come along. 

Lesson 3: the true fact of relationship

I recently read an interesting story about gay relationship in Instinct magazine. The feature's about a successful rate of a long term relationship among American gay men. It's so sad to acknowledge that only 13 percent of gay men in America are in relationship, which of those usually break up after five years being together. The reason's, according to the feature, the different number of Beta gay men versus Alpha gay men. 

Beta type is a feminine-oriented group, while Alpha type is a masculine-oriented group. The number of Beta type, so far, outnumbers those of Alpha (4:1). That means for every single Alpha gay man, there are four Beta gay men looking to compete each other for that single spot. 

Flashing back to my old day at Soi 2, a notorious Bangkok gay neighborhood, My friends and I (We r all Betas) hung out there every weekend. Every night there were a few fights, every night there were a few battles between who is prettier than who and, at the end of the night, there were winners who took home a guy and losers who went home empty-handed. 

I remembered my friend once got into a fight with other people over a guy. Both sides claimed that they saw that guy first. My friend lost eventually since the other side was twice bigger than him. 

Well..to all my friends, it may be better for us not to have too many requirements and expectations for our guys. You see the percentage so you do a math. Old me has gone and new me's requirements are as below;

- Average body but 6-pack abs always in front of the line

- Nice head on a shoulder. Not looking for a model but model is always a plus

- Financially stable since considering my current financial situation, I'm def not looking to be a breadwinner.

- Pleasant personality is always a charm.

My old ten commandments now become four rules of thumb, which are flexible.   

We shall see in the future whether they will be down to three or not. Well....so long my glory day. 

Lesson 2: Online Dating Rules

"Never have I ever dated someone online," my x-roomie said while playing never-have-i-ever game at one party. (I don't remember exactly which party. People who know me may say...yeah! Tong is a party girl.) Anyway, I remembered people in that circle quickly raised their hand, leaving me the only one with my hand down. (Gosh! I couldn't believe it. Someone must tell a lie right there.)
So..after surrendered myself, my dear roomie didn't stop there. She asked me to reveal all the juicu details to her and our friends, whom I never met before. But..well...I had a glass of margarita in one hand and was at a super 420-friendly condition. I held nothing back. LOL! Sorry guys..can't go public here. Private me then if u wanna know. :>
Yeah! People, I am a big fan of online dating. I have so many accounts posted online that I could remember. I'm sorry my friends, brothers and sisters at CU that my look and act may fool you guys, otherwise. I'm not that naive.
So...here are my suggestions to anyone who may be curious about the cyber dating.
1. Everybody is good looking. Well...attractiveness is personal but believe me more than 65 percent they aren't par. Always ask for a photo. Remember...picture is worth a thousand word.
2. Do u have any more pics? This is so common in the cyber world. Even though, you have seen their photos and they r gorgeous. Dump them immediately. They are pic collector.
3. Always ask for a recent pic. Whatever that person looks like in the photo, think and imagine them with an extra 5 - 7 years older than that.
4. For girls, be mysterious. Don't reveal all in the first couple of e-mails. All the secrets make us look sexy and beyond desirable. Always hang on to your address and phone #. (This is for your security purposes. Nothing's ambiguous here.)
5. For guys.........................SORRY!............NEVER BEEN ONE.........................NO COMMENTS.

Lesson 1: love what I do

OMG! I don't know how long I have been postponing this project. (2 yrs..i guess since been lazy/busy with school and finally got out of it. YEAH!) Thanks to Prof. Randy Pausch. I don't know him personally but after watching his last lecture video, I was totally inspired. I know this may be cliche but, well, inspiration rarely comes my way. 

He and I are totally black and white, ying and yang. He's so determined and ambitious. For me, I'm more like a quitter if I see a brick wall that I know I am not going to be able to climb over, I just easily quite. He was successful in achieving all of his dreams. I, on the other hand, never achieve anything. My first dream was being a doctor...well..i failed physics, chemistry and biology in high school. (ALL Cs. :<) My second dream was being an ambassador. I found out later that I have to be married to a woman to become. Well..that is likely not gonna happen to me. I'm gay, for christ sake! My third dream was being a interior design. Did i mention I suck at drawing?  My fourth dream was being a journalist, an investigative hard-news type. Almost made it but, again, thinking about writing about politics or wars. That's not quite present.  

That's being said, being a columnist/magazine editor seems to be my last straw. A feeling of having my own space in a newspaper or magazine and write what I want to write is so wonderful. Hence, this is my last dream on the list. However, I'm not that close to the goal yet. So..to start blogging again, it makes me feel like I am somewhat cling on to the goal. So far, this dream of mine is the most enjoyable and I love every bit of it.

Cheers to my first chapter. We get serious about love and relationship in the next post.